Realisation
by koneko zero
Summary: Set at Wammy’s House. Contrary to popular belief, Matt’s heart did not become Mello’s the first time he laid eyes on him. Shounen-ai.


**Title:** Realisation

**Series:** Death Note

**Characters & Pairing:** Matt/Mello, Near, Watari

**Genre:** Romance, angst, friendship

**Rating:** T

**Spoilers:** The end of the 'L' arc.

**Warnings:** Some bad language, and vague references to abuse and prostitution.

**Status:** Complete

**Summary:** Set at Wammy's House. Contrary to popular belief, Matt's heart did not become Mello's the first time he laid eyes on him. Shounen-ai.

-- -- --

REALISATION

--

Contrary to popular belief, Matt's heart did not become Mello's the first time he laid eyes on him.

When Matt first arrived at Wammy's House, he didn't like _anyone_ – not even Watari himself, who had saved him from that empty house after he had spied Mail's way of getting in. Watari's purpose was, as yet, unknown, and that made him an enemy.

When Matt first saw Mello, he didn't see a charming demon with a halo of cornsilk. He didn't see a partner, nor a best friend, and _certainly_ not the boy he would surely come to love.

What he did see were the looks of mingled terror and awe on the faces of every other child, and the way they cleared a path for him like the Red Sea to his Moses.

Mello was scary, so Mello was _safe_.

Mello would be Matt's safe haven. Which would undoubtedly hurt – he was quite aware that such a pretty child did not garner such fearful respect without good reason – but, to Matt's eyes, one enemy was far better than a hundred. At Mello's side, the others would never dare hurt him.

So when Mello stomped up to him in slightly-too-large boots and glared, Matt glared right back before submitting with a smile – a perfect mimic of what little he remembered of his Da's expression whenever Mr Michaels came to call on Mama.

Mello's hand came up, and Matt braced for the end of the ritual.

Except it stopped, open-palmed, half way between them. And now the blonde was raising an eyebrow at Matt's hesitance and would pull away and then the other kids would crowd and try to be 'friends' and leave him all alone in a cold room with half a tuna sandwich and **NO**.

Excuse. Excuse excuse _excuse_.

His palm brushed against his new dark jeans and Matt went with it, making a show of scrubbing quickly and roughly despite the soap and water all of him had been doused in just ten minutes before.

But Mello's eyebrow was slipping back to its normal position, and when he gripped the taller boy's hand it seemed to Matt that every other child backed away a little more. Matt was _Mello's_ pet now. Interlopers and trespassers would be dealt with.

--

Matt was right about Mello being cruel. He would tease and taunt and sulk and hit.

However.

Mello shared his chocolate and stolen cigarettes with the smaller boy. He caved to Matt's occasional pleading for a game of something, and tolerated Matt's bad moods. When Matt woke up crying and imagining a return to that cold house, Mello was already there for him to cling to.

By the time Matt understood _why_ pets were so devoted, and realised that masters _could_ love their pets accordingly, the battle was already lost.

--

Sometimes, Matt would wonder what was so special about 'L'. He'd look at what he and Mello and Near could achieve, and be amazed at the thought that one young man alone could do so much more. Mello would lecture him on the extent of L's greatness and honour, and Matt would nod and gasp in all the right places.

Then Mello would talk about how he alone would succeed L, and Matt would wonder why he had to be alone, when teamwork was so highly prised in all those games and shows.

Unfortunately, he also knew what would happen if he went with the Doctor Who argument and tried to claim it as being one of those things that was always "better with two." So he kept quiet and focused on improving his skills behind the scenes, so that eventually maybe Mello would take him along on his adventures the same way L did Watari.

--

Matt's goggles bounced against his collarbones as he sprinted down the hall after a rapidly disappearing black jacket.

"Mel! Mel, you git! Wait the fuck up, Mel!"

_Please don't leave me, Mel._

--

Twenty minutes later and Mello was long gone, and Matt knows how to lip-read well enough to confirm that his exact words to the taxi driver were, "Leave him! Fast as you can!"

Mello was never a safe haven. Mello was just like Mama.

Except, Mello couldn't make a decent sandwich, so Matt was left with half a bar of Dairy Milk instead.

He reached up, and fitted the goggles firmly over his eyes. Orange was healthier than rose.

--

Within days, the news reached every child at Wammy's, and Matt was certain of where Mello went.

He also heard about Roger's idea, the idea that Near willingly agreed to, and that Mello abandoned him to avoid. He decides that even if Mello had shouted at him and laughed at him, he should have told him that it was "better with two."

Still. It wouldn't have made any difference.

--

Matt argued several times with Roger about going after Mello, or sending someone to bring him back. His temper was so terrible that even without the shadow of the blonde at his shoulder, the other kids would have continued to avoid him.

At one point, he dares to blame Near and his blank attitude.

Near's answer is not one he expected.

--

A few months later, and Matt's closing the door of his new flat above the sex shop on Camden's main road, having waved Near off as the little guy shuffled away through Heathrow.

He understands a little better now, why Mello and Mama left him behind.

They were stupid, but they loved him.

And it'll be hard, and it'll crush his pride, but Matt knows he loves them too, and has to be ready for when they call.

--

That evening, knowing Mello as well as he does, Matt makes contact with seventeen Mafia and Yakuza families worldwide, offering the services of a Class 'A' hacker and information broker.

He also puts extra protection on the computer networks and databases of seventy-two brothels and 'agencies' based in the UK.

'Kira' may not have gone after prostitutes before, but Matt isn't willing to risk a misguided redhead being the first.

-- -- --

Please review, if you have the time! No flames, if you don't mind, but constructive criticism is very welcome. Thank you!


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